Proofs Of Your Love For God

How sure are you of your love for God? Many Christians claim to love God but their words and actions say otherwise. However, it is not difficult to tell those who truly love God because as the scripture says in Matthew 7:20, "by their fruits you shall know them." This post gives you the signs that show that a particular person truly loves God.

These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me - Matthew 15:8 (NKJV).

He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him - John 14:21 (NKJV).

God knows those who truly love Him and it's also evident to people if they care to watch out for the words and actions of the person(s) in question. Love is a visible virtue that is expressed in words and actions.

PROOFS OF YOUR LOVE FOR GOD

If you love God, you will:

1. Love His words and keep them - John 14:21

You will be delighted to hear the word of God and do them. Obeying God will be a thing of joy; you will always want to please Him. It will not be a struggle for you to obey Him.

2. Seek His kingdom - Matthew 6:33

You will find yourself putting God first in everything you do. You will have passion for the affairs of the kingdom, like soul winning and intercessory prayers. You will be delighted to be involved in any activities that bring glory to God.

3. Love His house - Psalm 122:1

Just like you look forward to visiting someone you love in his or her house, you will be glad to go to church and be in God's presence. You will not need to be coerced to attend church services, because to you it's an opportunity to visit His house and have fellowship with the Lord. It will not be a routine for you but a delight.

4. Love and keep company of the brethren - John 13:34-35

The love of God in you will determine the caliber of people you keep as friends. You will love the brethren because Jesus commanded it and it is proof that you are a disciple of Christ. Also, you will surround yourself with brethren for your spiritual growth and because it is commanded (Hebrews 10:25). Besides, as the saying goes, birds of the same feather flock together. If you love God, you will keep company of those who also love God.

5. Love the un-saved souls - John 15:16

Jesus chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will abide. It takes the love of God in you that you have for the un-saved souls for you to fulfill this commandment. God, for the love He had for the lost, gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life, and as a child of God, this passion for lost souls is embedded in you too.

6. Be a giver - 1 John 3:17

God showed us an example in John 3:16: because He loved the world, He gave His only son. Likewise, if you have the love of God in you, you will be a giver. You will give willingly and cheerfully. You can't love and not give, though you can give and not love. God is a giver and whosoever loves God will equally be a giver.

In conclusion, it is not difficult to determine whether you love God or not. When you cross check your love for the Lord with the above proofs of your love for God, you can easily conclude whether you truly love God or not. Also, with these proofs you can identify true lovers of God no matter where you may be. So, do you truly love God?

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Raising Your Love Consciousness

I was inspired to write this tele-seminar after examining my own experiences with love. Love is the key winning element that will help us to successfully transition from a life of want and scarcity to a life of abundance and well-being. Some of the "love" experiences I am mentally and spiritually referencing have been elevating and others have been very painful and some have been painfully elevating. But as my understanding of the true power of love continues to evolve then the benefits I receive become more rich and abundant. As a Business Professional, I realize that love produces wisdom, respect and promotion. As a woman, I realize that love is liberating and empowering. As a daughter, I understand that love is discerning and tough. As a lover, I offer love as motivation, protection, consolation and support to my man. And as an entrepreneur, I know that love is powerful, insightful and incredibly attractive. And as a creative being I experience love as mercy, authenticity and infinite potential. Love is what builds empires and creates giants. But what I know most of all is that without love, none of us would exist.

I'm not here tonight to motivate you, give you a to-do list or to help you with your New Year's resolutions. My goal is that your connection to me tonight will allow you to experience an energy that will help to spark thought, emotions and actions. Thought, emotions and actions that will unite you with the mighty power of love. Thought, emotions and actions that will encourage you to love someone else. Thought, emotions and actions that will give you courage and help you to discover your authenticity. Thought emotions and actions that will liberate you and attract love, success and abundance into your life. That is my goal this evening.

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The Best 20 Bible Verses About Love

As a human, we are guaranteed to do ONE thing during our lives no matter what: we will love. Love is a timeless emotion that can be exciting, deep, passionate and even unwaveringly loyal. But there are also bad things about love: it can cause wars, pain, suffering turmoil.

That's why, as Christians, we should learn about God's eternal Love. If we do, then we can do our best to TRULY love people during our lives. Our love can be selfless, instead of selfish. The best place to learn about God's Love for us is the Bible.

In the Bible, we see that God loved us so much that He gave up his only Son for our sins and us. If it weren't for this eternal, unconditional act of love, we wouldn't be saved. Praise God and read the Bible verses below to get a better, more fuller understanding of love!

# 20 - Psalms 42:11

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

The most important message contained in this verse is this: we should not be in despair. Psalms 42:11 tells us that we have no reason to be in despair or cast down. We, people who love and worship God, are saved. We praise Him because He loves us and he gave up His only Son for us. We should rejoice in His love!

Therefore there is no reason for us to be sad! Any time you experience sadness or depression in your life, all you need to do is remind of yourself of God's undying love for you.

# 19 - Proverbs 5:19

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

When reading this verse in Proverbs, you must take a step back to truly understand the big picture. It teaches us about being satisfied with our chosen partner in life. We should be satisfied with by the love of this person, as an infant is kept satisfied by its mother's milk. If the wife loves the husband and the husband the wife, then it is a recipe for happiness.

So remember, when you choose your partner, you should be satisfied both mentally and physically. This should be a person that you respect loves you back. If it is, then you will always be happy in his or her love.

# 18 - Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

Sin, strife and negativity are borne out of hatred - this is always the case! But, as this verse in Proverbs tell us, LOVE "covers" of these sins. Love, goodness and happiness will always conquer hatred, evil and sin. That is why every one of us should fill our lives with as much goodness as we can.

Love will heal us, so we should look to God's love whenever we are in need of healing, support and guidance.

# 17 - Proverbs 13:24

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

If you love your children, you should always endeavor to teach them, even if this means punishing them from time to time. You would be doing them a disservice if you "spared the rod" and didn't punish them when they did wrong. If you love your family - teach them what is right and good in whatever way you can.

As a parent, it can be hard to scold a child that you love so very much (more than yourself, even). But you must be strong! Teach the child what is good and what is bad - even if sometimes that requires chastisement. They will be better for it.

# 16 - Proverbs 17:17

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

This verse from Proverbs is a little confusing - both a friend and a brother should know love. However, it is a friend's nature to show love at all times. A brother's love is different from a friend's, however. Even though he should love at all times, he should always strive to fight for and protect his brother, even though he may face adversity while doing so.

Therefore, a brother's love is MORE powerful... even though he might have to endure strife and hardships to protect his kin.

# 15 - Song of Solomon 1:2

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.

The Song of Solomon is full of colorful, passionate language about love.This verse is a simple celebration of love at its most basic expression - the kiss! The kiss can unite lovers, families and friends. It is universally understood as an expression of love. Love between two people can be more exquisite and enjoyable than all other earthly pleasures!

# 14 - Song of Solomon 4:10

How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!

This is yet another verse in the Book of Solomon that celebrates the simple beauty and joy of love. Although there are many different kinds of love, they all share a similar core that brings us joy. How lucky are those who are able to love God, family and friends!

Love is compared to many pleasing things throughout history: a wine, a flower, a sound or a smell. And even though we can get wrapped up in the poetry of love, we must never forget what a serious, passionate emotion it can be.

# 13 - Song of Solomon 8:6

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.

All of us should be able to wear the love we have in our hearts like badges of honor on our sleeves. Love can be passionate - so passionate that it feels it will outlast even death itself! And although love can inspire jealousy that feels as cruel as torture, it is always worth the risk!

You should be proud of the unconditional love you have for people. It is an amazing thing to have. Every time we love someone we are honoring God's love for us. Be proud!

# 12 - 1 Corinthians 13:4

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

This verse in Corinthians reminds us that by giving to others we can express our love. Charity, a common expression of love, represents some of the most important things about the thing called love. It is kind, long, it does not envy and it is not concerned with itself. It is completely selfless - a perfect expression of God's undying love for us.

We should be reminded here that love should be selfless. If we love someone, we should not care to receive anything in return, even if that is something we desperately want.

# 11 - 1 Corinthians 13:13

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

This verse in Corinthians reminds us of what we should hold dear in our lives: faith, hope and charity. However, it emphasizes that charity should be the most important. Charity helps others and it is a completely selfless expression of true love. It is the best way to spread the love of God to the people of the world!

Just think of what the world would be like if more people were charitable! It would be a kind, loving place and no one would have to fear. And although there are many very giving people in the world, not all of us are all of the time. We should work more often to be this way!

# 10 - Colossians 3:14

And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

This verse in Colossians that teaches us again about the importance of charity - it is the selfless expression of love that we should show the world as faithful Christians. Through charity, we can improve the lives of others without asking for anything in return!

Sometimes it is hard to put this into practice. If we are charitable, then we are not receiving anything in return. We must think about what God and Jesus would do during our days. Would They worry about receiving? Or would They give? Just like Jesus gave up His life for our sins?

# 9 - 1 Peter 4:8

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

This verse in Peter means that if we are repentant, loving Christians... we should try to show love to others. By being charitable, we can show others and God that our love is pure and meaningful. Do your best to make the world a better place when you repent for your sins.

It might not always be easy, but it is best for your life and the lives of others if you are charitable and repentant. Volunteer, be selfless and always put others' needs before your own.

# 8 - 1 John 3:16

Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

This verse is telling us that we should use God's ultimate example of unconditional love - Him giving up his only Son for our sins - as guidance in our own lives. If God was able to give up His Son for us, we should be able to provide for our brothers and sisters in a similar way.

Every day of your life doesn't have to be full of extravagant, love-filled gestures, but we should always remember that the least we can do is to treat people with kindness. If God's Son gave up His life for us, we can act least be nice to our fellow man.

# 7 - 1 John 4:9

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Once again, this verse from the Book of John instructs us how to treat the other people in our lives. If we can attempt to love others even a fraction of the way God loves us, we could make their lives and ours better.

That is why keeping God at the center of our lives can improve so much! Our lives can take on a whole new meaning if we try to love our brothers and act like true Christians. We should be filled with love - not hate!

# 6 - 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Whenever we are truly, deeply in love with someone we shouldn't feel fear. There is no fear in love - only passion, understanding, and kindness. Fear results in torment, misunderstandings and heartbreak. When we love God and others, we should be faithful in that love.

If we are in love with someone, the worst thing we can do is FEAR. We must let ourselves be consumed by the love. Some people fear change or commitment, but we shouldn't. Love is a pure, amazing thing. Humans are imperfect and things can happen, but the act of love will always be the same.

# 5 - 1 John 4:8

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

This is an extremely important verse in the Book of John. This verse tells us that God IS love. If God is love, and we desire getting closer to God, we should learn to love more deeply and more fully than ever before.

This might be the most straightforward Biblical advice on love in existence. If God is love, then love is good (like God). It is also pure and holy. This is why when we feel love, we need to remember it is sacred. It should be treated with respect - and so should our fellow man.

# 4 - Song of Solomon 8:7

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.

This verse in the Song of Solomon so eloquently defines love - it cannot be drowned and it should be one of the most important things in our lives. Take this to heart when you think about your love for God. This love (and God) should be at the center of your life.

If it is, then you can be strong during times of strife. You can survive against the raging waters and not drown.

# 3 - John 15:13

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

If any of us were to lay down our life for our loved ones, we would be emulating the greatest act of love of all: Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. If we could put our loved ones first in our life, we could get that much closer to God.

This is never easy to do, but we should always strive to do it. Just think of how a mother would feel about her children: she has an undying, unconditional love for them. If we could express a fraction of that love to more people, we could improve so many lives - even souls.

# 2 - Song of Solomon 2:16

My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.

This simple verse in the Song of Solomon summarizes love famously - if you love someone and they love you, you will be in a world so wonderful, as if sweet smelling lilies surrounded you. Now, the real world isn't fantasy, but true love is real. And when you love, your world can be so much better.

Each one of us has a different mental of image of what love it like - you might think of sweets, flowers, perfumes, silks or passion. But love is a universal language. No matter what it means to each of us, we all feel the same love!

# 1 - Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

This final verse about love from the book of Ephesians is one of the best verses to read when you're curious about the love in any relationship that you are currently in. It applies to every single one of us and we should take it to heart. Husbands should love their wives and wives should love their husbands - it is simple as that. Relationships can be complicated, but if we can keep unconditional love at the center of our hearts we can make our lives, and the lives of others, so much better.

So learn to love God more deeply and more truly if you want to become closer to Him - if you need help understanding, please read more on GodVine's online Bible!

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Addiction To Unrequited Love

The Torchbearer - S/he will love me one day

It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the "torchbearer," may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing.... or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn't an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer's self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

obsessed love addicts: obsess and can't let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive

codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self

narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can't let go

ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as "torch-bearers"), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term "Ambivalent Love Addiction". Her book "Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships," is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn't fully there or who doesn't want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: "getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship." Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are "just friends," or have left you?

Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?

Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn't really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.

Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through "signs" or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?

Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?

Can you never feel "close" in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?

Are you always living out the relationship in your head?

Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?

Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?

Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.

Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?

Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?

For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot "fall in love" with?

If you have an "interest" that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I've talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the "craving" is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting -- the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won't make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it's kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking "Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?" Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can't communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, "should I say something or make a move", but something inside is telling her it's not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a "relationship."

In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a "sign" or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict's desires are not reciprocated.

Getting closure isn't always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

Step 1: Communication With Yourself

The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves "How do I get someone who doesn't care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?" Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for "signs." State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another's - which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response -- ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

Step 4: Changing and Challenging One's Views on Love

I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can't take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

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